New Bible Translation

It has been announced that people will soon find on the shelves of their favorite book stores a new version of scriptures call the New US Standard Version or NUSSV for short. This version is designed to be politically correct and non offensive to those of all walks of life. One noticeable difference is this new version does not include what was once called the Old Testament since most christian denominations are saying that it was “done away with” and contains nothing that today's followers need to know.

The following are some excerpts from this carefully prepared transcript:

Mark 11:17

And he began to teach and say to them, "Is it not written, ' CHURCHES SHALL BE CALLED A HOUSE OF INSTRUCTION FOR ALL THE STATES AND A PLACE FOR POLITIANS TO CAMPAIGN WITHIN'?

Luke 6:40

" A pupil is not above his teacher; but everyone, after he has been fully trained in being politically correct and learn the ways in which not to offend other religions and cults, will be like his teacher.

2 Timothy 3:16

All within this book is inspired by man and financially profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, for training in political correctness;

Matthew 28:19

Go therefore and make disciples of all the cities in areas permitted by the ACLU and government leaders...

1 Timothy 1:9

realizing the fact that law is made for control over a righteous person, but not for those who are lawless and rebellious, for the ungodly and politicians, for the unholy and profane, for those who kill their fathers or mothers, for those who desire to dispose of their unborn child because their body belongs to them .....

Mark 10:19

"You know todays commandments, ' MURDER ACCORDING TO THE WAY INSTRUCTED BY HOLLYWOOD, COMMIT ADULTERY IN PRIVATE, STEAL WHEN YOU ARE UNABLE TO PURCHASE FOR YOURSELF, GOSSIP WHENEVER THE NEED ARISES, ACHIEVE FINANCIAL GREATNESS WITHOUT CONCERN OF THOSE YOU HURT ALONG THE WAY, DISHONOR YOUR FATHER AND MOTHER.

A survey was taken of 1000 randomly selected people after they had the opportunity to read over this soon to be released publication. 60% of those surveyed said they found the NUSSV politically correct and saw no need to sue the writers for discrimination. 30% said it was different from what they once had on their coffee tables but would gladly replace what they had with the NUSSV. 10% said they were undecided until the next presidential election.